It was pain in the ass. Rather, pain ON the ass.
Today was probably the most painful day of my life. But because we tend to say this every time we encounter some pain so I don’t think it’s justified to call it THE MOST painful incidence, it should rather be called ONE of the most painful days.
First let me give some introduction of the problem. Basically, structurally, it was the same as a pimple. Difference being that it was not on my face and that it was not so small so as to be called a tiny harmless pimple that only makes you look bad and doesn’t pain. It was BIG. Raghu got to touch it and he himself shouted saying- “Oh fuck, it’s so huge!!”. I mentioned this to my wingmates. One of them, Vamsi told me how once he himself had this some years back and how he withered in the pain for three days and even got fever because of this. Everybody was sympathizing with me. Hell yes it all sounded scary but that didn’t get me too tensed. I was normal and waited for things to come.
So here is how they came…
I had this boil on my ass and I had had it for a day or two. That never bothered me so much that I’d think of visiting consulting a doctor etc although yes, it did pain me at times – sometimes while sitting on my chair, sometimes while cycling, sometimes while sitting on the carrier of a cycle when I had to take a lift from some classmates, especially while jumping down from the cycle etc but it was OK. Bearable. But then the pain used to persist almost constantly so I decided it was time to show my ass to a doctor, some skin specialist, ass specialist whatever. It was time to pay a visit to my insti hospital.
I explained my troubles to a doctor, he asked me to show it to him. I thought ‘…shady…’ but hell, I had no choice. Went to a corner and lowered the pant. I somehow hoped that he would see and feel, whatever he wanted to, from outside the underwear but that was not how he wanted. He wanted to see it. I then tried getting my undie up and trying to reach the point of trouble but again, that wasn’t happening. So, I gave up and pulled everything down. Here, see it. He touched it, felt it, said something about the viscosity of the pulp inside etc and prescribed some medicines. Fine. I took the medicines for a day.
Next day, when I was studying in library, it was getting bit uncomfortable to neglect the pain and keep sitting straight while doing the Reading Comprehension passages. Call it fault of the RCs, but I still thought I should at least have a look at how the creature looks – a privilege that the doctor had and I didn’t. I thought even I deserve to see my ass so went into one of public toilet on third floor.
Now here inside, we have wash basins, three big mirrors near the urinals, and the closed bogs. Like anybody else, I would be comfortable to open my pants inside the bog but obviously, there were no mirrors inside for me to look at my sweet ass.
Fine, so I had to make a decision. To see or not to see. I voted for the former. Closed the toilet door from inside, unzipped my pants fast, lowered undie and positioned myself in a shady max posture to see my butt in mirror (thank god, it was morning time and there were less number of people in library especially on third floor).
My poor little butt, it had become reddish-pinkish.
No doubt it hurt.
I thought it’s time to see the Mr. Doctor again so left out for hospital again. Got an appointment, asked specifically for a MALE attendant and waited for him to get free. I entered the dressing room as my turn came. There was a doctor, a male attendant, a female attendant and a lady getting dressing for a wound on her hand. They asked me to lie down on the cot. I obliged. They asked me to turn over, I said no. Not until the civilian lady was done with her dressing and had gone to a place from where she could not see my assets. I had one more crib. There was a female attendant and though she is called ‘sister’ still I wanted only males to be there. The male attendant there said – “Relax saar, medical profession aamaa...”. Very well then. My undie was pulled down. It was disgusting especially because I was getting the feeling that all the secrets are now bare open in front of these people. They proceeded…
For the knowledge of readers, there’s an opening for every boil, so their first task was to re-open it and to relieve me of some pain by letting some of the yellow fluid out.
Then they started it… HELL!!!… It was FUCK painful. I had never ever expected that such a decent meeting would end up with me thrusting my face into a pillow and crying for help. It was overwhelming. My breathing got deeper, I could feel my ears getting hot and my feet were searching for something to hold on to. I could think of only one solace - the day before, a classmate and friend Ankur had told me about the growth of a similar thing on his arse and how he got some sort of pleasure to live with the pain. That gave me some courage to bear it for sometime. It was comforting but frankly, it wasn’t comforting enough right now. The doctor was viciously playing around with my butt and the attendant was happily staring there, and smiling. Then it happened! I felt a sharp pain at the point which hurt the most. It was like some needle went inside or what I don’t know but it pained and it pained hazaar! My ass was grabbed and all I could do was to move my feet in desperateness, to clench my tiny bicep muscles with my teeth and to make out sounds like Urrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………! Doctor said that he’s going to make a tiny incision there. Now I was scared. Shit scared to be precise. They went for it again. This time I didn’t control. I just couldn’t. Besides the “Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”, I remember myself shouting things like “FUCK FUCK FUCK…” “teri b** k* c**t” and other unmentionables.
It was reflexive I guess (and hope). I was sweating by then and the pillow was now wet with my saliva. I hoped they would clean it soon. This had drained whole of my energy. I took some cream from the doctor and thanked him profusely.
I love doctors. Had it not been for his patience, I wouldn’t have been sitting on my flat wooden chair and writing this right now. So I thanked him again and left the place. My ass felt light now.
Then he calls me from behind and says- “Listen Mr. Chetan, you should come again tomorrow!”. L
Well, that’s what I know till date. Let’s see what happens next. God bless me!
Yours truly,
Chetan aka Sharmili
31.10.07
